Monday, 25 July 2011

Nightclubs. WHY?

Being a bastion of journalistic credibility (read: useless), Science Be Damned! will be continuing it's series of things we find to be utterly mundane in the name of entertaining, but mostly educating, our disloyal audience (which may even be in double digits soon -- take THAT grandma!) on things that stupid people like so that you may be fortunate enough to avoid these mouth-breathers if you ever encounter them.

We will continue by looking at an institution that has become a regular part of idiot society: nightclubs.

NIGHTCLUBS

Seriously, western society, for all your advancements in technology and science, you somehow let this one slip by you.

Now, for those of you unclear as to why Science Be Damned! would target something as banal to criticise as nightclubs when we have bad reality television shows, Michael Bay films and overused memes as a more relevent target, let's lay out the groundwork.

To begin, you spend ridiculous amounts of money (anecdotally, I've met dozens of peons that spend almost all of their paycheck on "going on gear") to buy sweatshop produced clothing so you can not just fit in, but MEET A DRESS CODE (hey I know another establishment that only allows members that dress a certain way -- the Klu Klux Klan.) Then you spend even MORE money styling your hair (for those that haven't thought too hard about this, those are the tinted carbon fibers that grow out of your scalp), and in womens' sake (and embarassingly enough, some mens') buying and wearing makeup that is basically made up of powdered or liquid turd. So there's a bit of spending involved, not any worse than, say, cosplaying or something though, right? It get's worse.

You then spend up to HOURS waiting in a line to get into an establishment that you need to pay even MORE money to get into, because nothing says "good night out" like standing around like a
doofus and paying to enter a building. Well, it'd have to be a pretty special building, like one that fellates you upon
entry, right? WRONG.

You pay money to enter this building to listen to extremely loud music. Not something like a one-time-only never to be heard again musical set, but music you hear EVERY DAY on the radio. Well, at least it's familiar right, you can pound a brew or ten to your fave music right? WRONG AGAIN.

You wait and pay to enter a building to listen to the same shitty music you hear every day at work, and then have to wait a ridiculously long time AGAIN for an
alcoholic beverage that on average will cost you 400% more than if you had just gone to a liquor store for. Great stuff so far, why all of this trouble? To apparently socialize. Despite the fact that the music is too loud to ACTUALLY HAVE A
CONVERSATION.

You may argue, 'I go clubbing to dance,' in which case I'll disrespectfully disagree and tell you, 'no you fucking don't.' I've never seen anybody in a nightclub do anything beyond shuffle in random directions or try to grind against women who are "attractive" (and I do use the term almost as loosely as the descriptions of the vaginal tracts of aforemtioned women.) You don't dance, if you really wanted to dance, you'd be in musical theatre or at a concert, you're just there to be a douchebag.

You may also rebutt, 'I go there to meet girls,' in which case I'll laugh at your inherent need to hit on intoxicated, inebriated attention whores mesmerised by loud music and waiting to be date raped. Bravo, Fabio, you're a smoothe operator.

If you're a nightclub goer, please, for me, punch yourself. Really hard. Do it twice if you're one of those incessant toss-buckets who frequents the same one every weekend. You all should be sterilized.

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Music = Brainwashing

I'm sick to death of hearing from the unwashed masses about the music they like. I know, I know, we all hear everyday about how Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga is terrible, mindless dribble, it's not exactly a new complaint. What really bugs me is when you try to debate these ridiculous tastes, the people who consume this tripe cannot come up with a valid reason why they like it, other than "they just do."

Granted, these sycophants are the same people who adequately describe that "they like to have fun" on their personal profiles (STOP THE PRESSES! YOU LIKE TO HAVE FUN? YOU'RE SUCH A UNIQUE AND INTERESTING INDIVIDUAL! HAVE MY BABIES!), but it still infuriates me that these idiots cannot even take a rational approach toward something they consume almost constantly.

In the age of Ipods, music downloads and radio stations that will literally play the same six songs on repeat for twelve hours (ask anybody who has had to put up with it in a workplace; I have Vietnam flashback-level PTSD symptoms every time I hear Katy Perry), people are consuming music more than ever. People won't leave their houses without headphones in their ears, hell, people can't even drive short distances without music playing on their overpriced stereo sound systems. So why not even take five minutes to question why you like the music that you listen to for what seems like 90% of your waking lives?

I cannot believe it doesn't bother you that the only reason you're even aware of this music is because a bunch of rich people take some poor sap with decent marketability (that's the keyword here; not talent. Not to say certain mainstream artists aren't talented, but that's just the icing on the cake most times), produced a bunch of shitty beats they think kids will like (often recycled, made in minutes using cheap studio software), dub vocals over them (love songs usually written by middle-aged guys paying a mortgage that are EMPLOYED to write catchy shit to tug at your heart strings) that are auto-tuned to hide any real vocals (shit might as well have bee sung by a computer) and then parade these so-called "artists" around by more marketing executives as their albums become "chart-toppers" (ie. they force record stores to buy massive quantities at low prices to artificially jack up their chart positions, hence why hears later, you'll still find Miley Cyrus albums in the dollar bin at your local K-Mart.) You tards buy their shit up, not even because you're particularly musical aficionados half the time, it's because you like the way they look/dress/act! People seriously buy this shit up?

Now don't get me wrong, there have been artists in the past that have gained legitimate followings for being talented recording artists and have "made it big" from there, but it's such a small blip on the radar that it's not even worth mentioning. Even still, I'm not saying you have to be a music geek to like music, just be honest about your poor tastes.

Man up, and admit you like Katy Perry because some rich guys who poured a lot of money into making her famous told you to. That's all I ask. Shitty pop music doesn't particularly bother me, there'll be bad forms of mainstream art from here until the end of time, I just want to see a little bit of honesty from the mindless consumers.

In the meanwhile, if you know any great bands/singers that don't have rich people pimping them out and you think myself or anybody reading this blog should hear about them, leave a comment and drum them up some support. FSM only knows, we need some more grassroots music support.

Nurses and school teachers are retarded

Okay, so I'm going to bring up a topic that I know a lot of highly intelligent people, such as myself, have had cross their minds, except I'm actually going to have the balls to discuss/rant about it.

Have you ever met a nurse or a school teacher? They might be some of the dumbest "professionals" on the planet. Before you start spouting on about how you know/are related to one of these public fund leaches and they are perfectly intelligent people; stop, you are probably just as stupid.

While all the intellectuals in our western societies become lawyers and bankers, the turds who don't manage to float to the top get into nursing and schooling, kill people with their incompetence, teach our children complete crap with their ineptitude and then have the nerve to go on strike every five minutes about their shitty pay. Don't want to be paid shitty? Get a better job! Oh wait, you can't, because it's the highest paying job that a slobbering retard can get.

Every time I meet a mouth-breathing, blonde bimbo who professes how she's going to be a school teacher while coasting by on C's and D's, I want to hit them. They don't have any problem solving skills, are often from fairly well off backgrounds so could never actually empathise with children from underprivileged backgrounds, and don't have the learning skills themselves to be teaching them. Nurses are even worse.

When I see bogans (rednecks for my American brethren) who think they're intellectuals and ask them what they're studying, they answer nursing. Sick people are being treated by complete air-heads, the type of women who go out binge-drinking and get date-raped frequently. Hell, have you even seen the syllabus for a nursing training course? Anybody with half a brain could ace it with their eyes closed. They wonder why hospitals have such high mortality rates...

Our society is dying because are children are being taught by complete retards, and when they get sick from being too stupid, they get treated by even stupider people. Well done, western world, bravo.

At the very least, people wasting their lives on the arts are only ruining their own lives, rather than the others.

Here at Science Be Damned! I will be trying to come up with a solution to this problem. If you have a suggestion, or a disagreement, be sure to leave a comment, I want to hear what you all have to say.

Saturday, 16 July 2011

In the beginning, there was science...

Yay! A new blog on the internet! How exciting, right?

WRONG.

Science Be Damned! will not entertain you. It will not have anything you will be interested in. Nothing to tweet your friends about. It will be filled with useless nonsense that only the vaguest minds would find appealing. If you think you are a sane, intelligent, well-mannered person, leave now, you are not my target audience. Only I am my target audience.

In Science Be Damned! I will write about these fascinating topics:

  • I will muse about the days news and various opinions I may have on current affairs
  • Post things that I have found around the internet that I find amusing
  • Talk about how I would make the world a better place with ridiculous policy changes
  • Start a war on all things considered culture
  • Come up with brilliant marketing and business ideas that you can all steal (because nobody knows better than some idiot with a keyboard)
  • Review various things I've watched/read/been forced to endure.
You know you want to read all of this. But you won't, because I don't want you to.

Make sure to follow me on Blogger and comment all of my posts, so I know exactly who the crazies are, and feel free to e-mail me at sciencebedamned@gmail.com if you have any opinions you want me to ignore.